Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
