I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
