cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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