dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
