I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
