thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
