We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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