Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
