based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
