my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
