great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
