i don't like sucking hair
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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