I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
