cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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