I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We are all done wearing pants today
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
