I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
