I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
