gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
