im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
