You can't special order awesome
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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