We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
