he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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