i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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