Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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