I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
