Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
