I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
