i don't like sucking hair
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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