My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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