i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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