Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
