I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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