hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
