I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
