She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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