I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
