Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
