We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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