so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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