i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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