I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
