Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
