I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
time to smoke my breakfast
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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