Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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