Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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