You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got inside last night via doggy door
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
