I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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