I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
