y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
