my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
