TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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