Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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